Auditioning

 Recently, I auditioned for the final round for a production of Beauty and the Beast. It got me thinking about how you can never predict what the result is. I came out of the audition feeling positive that I had done pretty close to my best (I never say I've done my best as there is always room to improve when you are training, and indeed even if you are an award winning performer). Despite this, I am feeling anxious about the result.

I won't know the result until at least the 4th July, but will know the result by the 24th July. Even though I know that I shouldn't worry until the 4th July earliest, I still do. I suppose this means I truly care about the project. Despite feeling confident, I constantly have thoughts about how I am not good enough and that I won't get cast.

I suppose you need some context. I've been a part of the Youth Theatre at this theatre for 7 years. I am used to their style of acting and know many of the directors well, including having worked with the director of Beauty and The Beast numerous times before. The Christmas show at this theatre is a huge deal, with many critics and magazines watching the press night. Beauty and the Beast has always been my favourite fairy-tale.

Even though I've been officially training in theatre for over 10 years now, the truth is I'm still not used to auditioning. No good audition is a guarantee you'll book the job. I have severe anxiety that worsens around not knowing and auditions definitely aren't the best with calming my anxiety. I've often wondered if this is the right profession for me, if I can't handle the waiting after auditions. Every time I have that mental battle, my love for acting wins out. I couldn't cope if I could never act again, or do some form of theatre work.

I know I'll be fine waiting in the end. If I get cast, I will be ecstatic. If I don't, I'll find a way to manage my disappointment. I would be free to get a job in my first term at university. I would be free to partake in the autumn term of the youth theatre. I would understandably be upset as I do care a lot about this project but I would surround myself with friends. The point is, I will get on with my life, but it would hurt in the short term.

I'll let you guys know the results when I hear!

Chrissy x